i have decided to leave my job and work for Match.com.
i love personal ads. i read them compulsively. i am absolutely fascinated by what people think other people find alluring. i have learned more about Richmond by reading its personals ads than by any other means. i read them all. men for women. men for men. women for men. women for women. other. casual. serious. i find them all thrilling and curious.
Here are the first few ads from Richmond this morning:
WANTED: Enlightened, intellectual spring flower - 31
I am picky. But if you have, big, loving eyes that are filled with love (and wear that long skirt), you have damn good chances.
Bored Guy loves oral - m4w - 33
I'm an athletically built construction worker who absolutely enjoys getting women off with absolutely NSA or touching of my. My gratification comes from pleasing and tasting you. Front and back, its all good.
Southern Gentleman Seeking Younger Girlfriend
I am a mature and responsible white male seeking companionship. I have a son who is off to college.
Do you need a Loan? - 42
I can help.....email with your details/situation if you are serious about getting it!
okay okay, i'll stop, but i love them all. i wish that i could read them all aloud. I know that there were personal ads long before the advent of the internet, but it seems that there has been an explosion in the past 10 years of online personals, romantic or intimate chatting, matrimonial services etc.
like any other market that was opened up by free trade and quick and easy travel, the relationship market has opened up as well. it's a sound premise...just like you can easily find any obscure book, film, vintage handbag, nazi souvenir, now you can search through thousands of people to find exactly what you always wanted. the combination of your dream traits and fantasy looks.
the internet dating pool is overwhelming. no longer being forced to choose between the three village eligibles, our minds can wander and wander and wander, musing on what exactly would suit us best in a partner.
only that if you're anything like me ...your idea of suitable partner is invariably WRONG. forging a relationship with someone new, should be done, for most people, in the close quarters of their families and loved ones. basically, surrounded by people who are smarter about you than you are.
still, people have built veritable empires from internet dating. sites like eharmony and match.com and jdate proliferate...and they're NOT cheap. i am sure there are a number of factors that contribute to their success, but i think the key ones are that now people feel as if they can meet their true love from the comfort of their office, and since that is where they are spending 70 hrs/week, it's a pretty good idea. also, we all seem to be convinced that greater selection means increased chances of happiness with the choice we finally do make ( like "wow, i love this supermarket, they have over 50 kinds of tomato sauce, i'm sure to find the best"). i think this is erroneous, but never mind, i'm not going to let it stand in the way of my new career as a professional special person.
the new commercial that i hear on the radio for Match.com is themed : " go ahead, it's okay to look"
then they go on to say that if you use their service for 6 months at like $20/month and you don't meet anyone special, they'll give you next six months free.
Six months free! how is THAT for a guarantee??
it sounds to me as if they stand to lose a pretty penny, because even if you DO meet someone special, after six months, i'm sure you're hooked on the whole shopping aspect, and besides you never know when you might meet someone MORE special, especially if it's free. ..i mean go ahead, it's okay to look.
so i thought that i would offer myself to Match.com as professional special person, so that they wouldn't loose so much money.
basically i would go out on dates with as many eligibles as possible. i am infinitely qualified because i am REALLY good at going on dates. in fact i am as good at going on dates as i am bad at being in actual relationships. i would go out with men and women, i'm not picky. I imagine Match.com would set me up with the biggest train wrecks, those who they thought were the highest rick at making good on the guarantee after six months.
i would hep myself up, go on these dates and be ebullient and charming . i can make ANYONE feel interesting, so i imagine i would have to do a lot of that. when the time was right because we'd been skinny dipping in a water tower or drinking scotch at a drive in ...and maybe it would take one or two dates....i would move in for the clincher and say .... "Wow, goodnight, that was really special, wasn't it?" or " My, you are so special, i never thought i would meet anyone special like you"
and i would look so sincere, that whether or not they felt it, they would pretty much be obliged to respond in kind and be forever captured by the tiny hidden mic tapped to my chest as having said " you are special too". forfeiting their chance to a free 6 months.
since anything disingenuous seems to be a major asset to the modern business, i basically think this would make me the match.com employee of the month...forever. and think of all the train wrecks i would get to meet!
i love personal ads. i read them compulsively. i am absolutely fascinated by what people think other people find alluring. i have learned more about Richmond by reading its personals ads than by any other means. i read them all. men for women. men for men. women for men. women for women. other. casual. serious. i find them all thrilling and curious.
Here are the first few ads from Richmond this morning:
WANTED: Enlightened, intellectual spring flower - 31
I am picky. But if you have, big, loving eyes that are filled with love (and wear that long skirt), you have damn good chances.
Bored Guy loves oral - m4w - 33
I'm an athletically built construction worker who absolutely enjoys getting women off with absolutely NSA or touching of my. My gratification comes from pleasing and tasting you. Front and back, its all good.
Southern Gentleman Seeking Younger Girlfriend
I am a mature and responsible white male seeking companionship. I have a son who is off to college.
Do you need a Loan? - 42
I can help.....email with your details/situation if you are serious about getting it!
okay okay, i'll stop, but i love them all. i wish that i could read them all aloud. I know that there were personal ads long before the advent of the internet, but it seems that there has been an explosion in the past 10 years of online personals, romantic or intimate chatting, matrimonial services etc.
like any other market that was opened up by free trade and quick and easy travel, the relationship market has opened up as well. it's a sound premise...just like you can easily find any obscure book, film, vintage handbag, nazi souvenir, now you can search through thousands of people to find exactly what you always wanted. the combination of your dream traits and fantasy looks.
the internet dating pool is overwhelming. no longer being forced to choose between the three village eligibles, our minds can wander and wander and wander, musing on what exactly would suit us best in a partner.
only that if you're anything like me ...your idea of suitable partner is invariably WRONG. forging a relationship with someone new, should be done, for most people, in the close quarters of their families and loved ones. basically, surrounded by people who are smarter about you than you are.
still, people have built veritable empires from internet dating. sites like eharmony and match.com and jdate proliferate...and they're NOT cheap. i am sure there are a number of factors that contribute to their success, but i think the key ones are that now people feel as if they can meet their true love from the comfort of their office, and since that is where they are spending 70 hrs/week, it's a pretty good idea. also, we all seem to be convinced that greater selection means increased chances of happiness with the choice we finally do make ( like "wow, i love this supermarket, they have over 50 kinds of tomato sauce, i'm sure to find the best"). i think this is erroneous, but never mind, i'm not going to let it stand in the way of my new career as a professional special person.
the new commercial that i hear on the radio for Match.com is themed : " go ahead, it's okay to look"
then they go on to say that if you use their service for 6 months at like $20/month and you don't meet anyone special, they'll give you next six months free.
Six months free! how is THAT for a guarantee??
it sounds to me as if they stand to lose a pretty penny, because even if you DO meet someone special, after six months, i'm sure you're hooked on the whole shopping aspect, and besides you never know when you might meet someone MORE special, especially if it's free. ..i mean go ahead, it's okay to look.
so i thought that i would offer myself to Match.com as professional special person, so that they wouldn't loose so much money.
basically i would go out on dates with as many eligibles as possible. i am infinitely qualified because i am REALLY good at going on dates. in fact i am as good at going on dates as i am bad at being in actual relationships. i would go out with men and women, i'm not picky. I imagine Match.com would set me up with the biggest train wrecks, those who they thought were the highest rick at making good on the guarantee after six months.
i would hep myself up, go on these dates and be ebullient and charming . i can make ANYONE feel interesting, so i imagine i would have to do a lot of that. when the time was right because we'd been skinny dipping in a water tower or drinking scotch at a drive in ...and maybe it would take one or two dates....i would move in for the clincher and say .... "Wow, goodnight, that was really special, wasn't it?" or " My, you are so special, i never thought i would meet anyone special like you"
and i would look so sincere, that whether or not they felt it, they would pretty much be obliged to respond in kind and be forever captured by the tiny hidden mic tapped to my chest as having said " you are special too". forfeiting their chance to a free 6 months.
since anything disingenuous seems to be a major asset to the modern business, i basically think this would make me the match.com employee of the month...forever. and think of all the train wrecks i would get to meet!
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